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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Guest Post from my Dad: Names

Another guest post from my Dad.  He's on a roll!
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Names.
 
Never really thought much about them until our daughter said she was pregnant with our second grandchild...a boy.
 
Now they rattle around in my head day and night.
 
"How about Abel?" I blurted out the other day at dinner.
 
"She isn't due until November.  Besides they aren't going to take any of your suggestions for names." I was told rather tersely.
 
I came up with the perfect one on Tuesday...Rocquefort.  No one else liked it.
 
I have noticed that when friends send pictures of their grandchildren, the kids are usually named "Brooklyn,"
Alison or some trendy name.  It seems like the names go in streaks.
For example, have you noticed that most of the little blonde convenient store clerks are named Tiffany and they can't count.  When they were born, how did the parents know enough to name them?  And most of the convenient
store owners are Achmed of Mohammed.   It's uncanny.
 
I remember the story about the woman who had so many children that she ran out of names. She went to the courthouse to find a famous name on an office door.  Sure enough, she found one on a double door and named
her kid "Nosmo King."  Try closing the doors.
 
The current trend seems to be naming your kid with some geographic name. I think this is very unfair so some of the cities in the country which don't stand a chance...like Biloxi and Bellingham and Cleveland.
 
You can only use Brooklyn so many times.
 
Instead, I propose that each kid be named after the place they were conceived.  You know, like Back Seat Boston and Drive-In Denver, Park Bench Pittsburgh, Artificial Insemination Albany.  This would add some definition and information to the naming convention.  
 
Historically, last names were derived from ancestors' occupations.  Such as Cooper, Shoemaker, Fisher, etc.
This would be a really informative concept to bring back.  I can see it now..."Back Seat Boston Bus Boy,"
"Drive-In Denver Domino Delivery Driver"  (or just "D" for short).
 
I'm not sure what they plan on naming this kid.  But I do know that my suggestions don't stand a chance.

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